Saturday, June 8, 2013

The Beginning......

The Beginning

It's time. I have often wondered if a blog can sometimes confuse people. Do they wonder where the focus might be? Why people write stories one day, talk about how God inspires them the next and then throw a little crafty thing in there? Is it a type of therapy for the one writing it and counseling for the one reading? I'm not sure, but if it helps us from re-telling our story so we don't have to relive the pain it's worth it to me.......

In my blog you will share with me the pain of infertility, the path through someday hopefully becoming parents and understanding what it means to have radical faith. So here goes...

OK. I am staring at the monitor wondering how to begin this.

Let's start wiiiiiiith...Once upon a time...I got married.

July 7, 2012 to be exact. A beautiful outside wedding in Carlsbad, California where we live. My husband and I started dating around summer of 2010, engaged in Paris, France December 22, 2011 and BAM...married 7 months later. Joey and I are very involved in church and attended pre-marital counseling classes prior to walking down the isle, during those classes is where our Faith grew the most and we slowly became ONE FLESH. 

My Vows I read to my husband on our wedding day:

"Joey you are my dream come true, you are my world, you are the joy in my heart, the laughter in my voice, and the smile on my face. The first time you kissed me I knew that we shared something special, and it wasn't long after that I fell in love with you and realized that you are the one that I was meant to spend my life with, I could see it in your eyes. I could feel it in my heart. You are the most incredible man I have ever known, and you make me feel amazing every single day, I am so excited, and completely elated to be standing here with you today. You are the love of my life, my best friend, my soulmate, my everything.

I promise to you...

That I will love you always, with my whole heart.

That I will always be there for you, in good times and bad, may we always laugh together like we do now, and may the stormy days we encounter and the trials we face only make us stronger.

I promise to celebrate with you, to encourage you, to always believe in you and to always be proud of the man you are.

I promise to comfort, support and defend you if life ever brings you sorrow.

I promise to be forever faithful to you.

I promise that from this day forward I will always love, honor and respect you, I will always stand by your side, there is nothing I won't do for you, all of my life.

I promise to always listen to the words you speak, and listen even harder for the ones that you don't.

I promise to bring joy, strength and smiles into your life.

May the bond that we make today, never be broken, and may it only grow stronger for the rest of our lives, may we never forget how we felt the first time we stared into each others eyes, the first time we said I love you and how we feel standing here today, because our love is exactly that, Ours. And you and I , and only you and I, have the ability to nourish it and make it strong and grow. It is our strength that binds us and our love that will carry us through, all the days of our lives.

You are where my heart is, and the reason that I believe in love. As I have given you my hand to hold, I give you my heart to keep."

Who Knew It Would Be This Complicated!

Within a few days of being married, we decide to start trying to have a baby. We didn't know what "infertility" entailed, maybe a few extra steps, some medicine, an extra trip to the doctors? Who knew I would end up giving myself shots. And so began our journey through infertility, that I thought [so naively] was not a big deal.

Initially, it was not something we felt sad or worried about. I was not yet in the infertility trenches of yearning for a child. I was in the beginning stage of asking ourselves, how long will this really take? I will take chlomid pills, give it a whirl a few months and there you have it...we will make a baby. Uh, NOT what happened. 

After doing 4 cycles of chlomid with no indications of HCG, it was time to be referred to an Infertility Specialist, Dr. Lori Arnold.

This is when ALLLLLL the pieces began coming together to form the much needed BIG PICTURE for me. Here was the bottom line which finally became reality for will be hard to get pregnant. Period.

It is the strangest thing. When you talk to anyone who has had a similar journey, you realize they never really can forget. The sadness and pain, I mean. Someone in my church support group who has 4 children under 3 (triplets about to turn 3 and a 13 month old) still says it is hard to hear when people are pregnant. The same for me. And everyone I know seems to have a bun cooking or the timer just went off. But I will delve into that issue a little later. Just wanted you to get a sneak peek into the genesis of April becoming a mommy. 

Until my next post...... <3

No comments:

Post a Comment