Price Match

Today I researched the internet all day and now am saving $400.00 on medications for next IUI with injectables cycle. MDR (the pharmacy that carries the fertility drugs) told me they price match.... if you know me you know I will research the heck out of the internet to find the best price and I did.... it took all day but I found a great deal, so excited! It's like couponing. And in the process I met a really nice lady who just got pregnant with twins with Dr. Anderson's help from doing an IUI with injectables with Follistim,  HCG trigger shot and progesterone capsules. She reassured my concern with the amount of money we are spending to see Dr. Anderson that we have made the best choice because he is the best infertility doctor in OC. 

Jealous!

People often think I get jealous or angry when I see pregnant people or babies. My response: Not one person has it all. Just because one part of their life came easily to them, that doesn't mean the rest did. I have God, an incredible husband/marriage, a beautiful home, wonderful family and friends and an amazing job. And a baby is in my future, I just have to keep praying.

Laparoscopy and Hysteroscopy Results

Laparoscopy and Hysteroscopy went well. Doctor found a little endometriosis and lasered it away. Going in next week for the post-op and will find out the next step in our journey. Thank you to everyone who was praying for me yesterday and reached out to Joey and I to see how it went. It means the world to us. A special thanks to my mom and best friend Nikki for coming down to Newport Surgery Center to support me and a HUGE Thanks my AMAZING husband for being by my side and taking care of me through everything. xoxo

This is my uterus (above), (didn't expect a uterus to look like that huh?) and that red on it is endometriosis. 

This is one of my fallopian tubes (above), they also looked inside it but those pics are not worth sharing (can't see much)

                                                                    Liver (Above)

http://www.gofundme.com/HopefulHearts

http://www.gofundme.com/HopefulHearts

Going under......Laparoscopy and Hysteroscopy

The move to OC is complete and we have been referred to a new specialist in Newport Beach. He has very high success rates with IVF and is extremely educated in infertility. Joey and I met with Dr. Anderson about two week ago and talked to him about everything we have gone through as he reviewed our file. In Dr. Anderson's opinion we have done too many IUI's and it's time to move on. The Clomid I was taking for 7 months off-in-on was way more than he would ever advise. Looking back it did begin to create other problems like the thinning of the uterus wall, one of the many downsides of Clomid. Joey and I listened carefully to what Dr. Anderson's recommendation was and if we were ready to go down that next more invasive path. Dr. Anderson is recommending either IVF or Laparoscopy. Laparoscopy enables your surgeon to fix anything that is found (i.e. ovarian torsion, adhesions, Endometriosis, fibroids, restore tubal patency, etc. etc. etc.) at the same time. Surgical intervention will almost certainly restore fertility by virtue of the (suspected) underlying cause(s) being treated. Skipping surgery and embarking on costly IVF protocols without fixing the problem(s) is probably not the best approach. The minimal risks of laparoscopic surgery are outweighed by the benefits it confers (with the obvious exception of the most dangerous risk, which is death - a risk of ALL surgeries and highly unlikely to occur!). Joey and I went home to talk about our options and what we wanted to do next, IVF is 20k through Dr. Anderson while the Laparoscopy is a little over 4k, if we did do IVF and there is an underlying reason like Endometriosis then it could very well be unsuccessful and a waste of money. On the flip side we could also go through the Laparoscopy and find nothing and would be back at square one at UNEXPLAINED infertility, the most annoying and frustrating diagnosis ever. 

After thinking about the path we are going to embark on we pray for an answer or a sign of what God wants us to do. We have been praying from day one and are still hopeful that one day, and hopefully one day soon, we will be blessed with a baby of our own. With that being said on November 1, 2013 at 2:45pm I will be going under and Dr. Anderson will be performing a Laparoscopy in hopes that he finds something to finally explain the unexplained. Please keep us in your prayers and I will keep you posted on the outcome. xoxo

Horror Stories.......

Baby showers! Oh where to begin. I have gotten so much better going to them, I would not say I look forward to them but it does not bother me as much anymore, that is until the end of one I attended a few weeks ago. 

Joey and arrived to the shower ready to enjoy ourselves, after hanging around for 4 hours we were getting ready to leave and I was saying goodbye to someone I have met a few times (It's the polite thing to do right?) As I'm saying goodbye, a random girl who I have never met is standing next to the person I am saying goodbye to looks over at me and asks, "So when are you due!?" To my surprise and confusion I gave a polite smile and kept the conversation going. She interrupted me again and said, "you must not have heard me, I said when are you due!" At this point I am so confused and lost, (I know what some of you are thinking.... sometimes innocent people mistake bigger girls for being pregnant..... NOT the case here considering I am 5'5" and weigh 115 pounds). I don't care how much bean dip I ate I know I did not look pregnant. So unless I was actually 5-6 months pregnant I knew at that point she heard about my infertility struggle {on top of not being able to handle her alcohol} and wanted to play a mean girls game. After I let it sink I just looked at her and said, "When the fertility drugs finally work" and walked away. I don't know what is wrong with people and way they have to be so cruel but there was no need for someone to make a joke out of my misfortune. 

For some sad reason this is not the first time someone has said something mean to me about my infertility. About a year ago I told someone who I knew pretty well about Joey's and my struggle to have a baby and went through the steps of infertility to help them better understand the process. When I got to the part where we have tried a few IUI's and our next step might have to be IVF the person looks over at me and says, "IVF babies look funny". My heart about stopped. I was speechless, but I thought if something so ignorant could come out of their mouth then I was not about to correct them, I just promised myself that I would never forget. I know we have all seen those websites that list: "Things NOT to say to someone struggling with infertility". But my two examples would have to be on a different list.... Like "Things to say to make someone feel HORRIBLE about their fertility struggle". All I can assume is that they only read the second list.  

The NOT SO big 3-0!

1 more day until I'm 30 and 3 more days until the infertility stuff starts again. I can't even begin to describe how sad I am to know I have to manage this process again. All the doctor appointments, blood tests, waiting and hoping on top of my extremely busy job. Today I am angry, why does everyone around me get to have kids! My husband and I are good people and have done things the right way.... why are we not being blessed! I try so hard to stay positive, meaning I try not to think about it but most of the time that's easier said then done! I am applying for another grant, last time we were runner up, so maybe this time there will be hope and we'll win. Please pray for us!

A New Journey.

Well it's a start to a new journey, a new beginning, a new adventure. So many changes has happened in the past 2 months I don't know where to begin. First off let me get the general news out of the way, Joey and I are still NOT pregnant but it was nice to take the summer off from all the doctor appts and being poked by needles every other day. Now that summer is coming to an end and I was offered an full-time position at my school we will have better benefits and will no longer have to pay for blood work (saving us a grand total of..... drumroll please...... $300.00 a month) In the grand scheme of things that does not seem like a lot but I'll take it :) Our new benefits begin October 1, 2013 and we are going to try another IUI that month, 5th ones a charm..... right????

Like I mentioned above I am now full-time in my school district YAY!!!! I love my school so much and the people I work with is what makes the position over the top wonderful. When I go to work it doesn't seem like work, it's something I look forward to going to M-F. I could not ask for a better counseling department to work with. But there is a downside of getting the full-time position, since we live 120 miles from Newport I am no longer able to make that drive )I've done it for two years and I have killed me everyday) jk it was not that bad but I'm over it. So Joey and I are moving to OC..... Leaving SD is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, this is my home, I love it here, I'm so sad to be moving, Buttttt it's only an hour away and it's for the best, It's what we are meant to do right now. Everything has gone so smoothly with me getting this position and us finding a condo I know this is God's plan for us right now. It's bitter/sweet for sure.

Back to baby news, once again everyone is pregnant but only now it's tenfold. It's now my good friends and family members, before it was only random people I saw on the streets and at church or friends of friends but now it's people I have to interact with, people I see on a weekly basis, discussions I must engage in and overhear. I feel like I have gotten so much better with it though, I still don't want to discuss their pregnancy but I'm okay to be around them a little more. I have some friends who I know are scared to talk about the "baby subject" around me but I smile with the approval that I'm okay. Oh that reminds me, I had the nicest thing happen the other day. One of my co-workers and his wife recently found out they were having a baby and wanted to make the "FB announcement", but before they did they reached out to Joey and I to let us know first and give their encouragement to us. I just thought that was so sweet. We are not super close friends but rather than us seeing it on FB they went out of their way to express their empathy and just give us an FYI.

One last IUI in October, that will probably be the last one before moving on to IVF. Now that we are moving I will need to find a new fertility specialist which I am okay with. I liked Dr. Lori Arnold but with all the money we paid her with no success I don't think it will hurt to try someone new. I will try and update my blog a little more often, I know I am not very good about it, hehe. Well I'm off to enjoy the last week of my summer break with my hubby :) xoxo