Fight On.....

Everything we're doing is worth the fight. Every second I temp, take meds, get injections of hormones, miss vacations for ultrasounds and blood work, I am doing for my little miracle. For some, it's easy to get pregnant. Others, people say it's impossible. I will not to give up. All the strength I am getting now I will need for years to come. First is the pregnancy. Pregnancy may tire me more than getting pregnant ever did. But I won't give up. Every second I want to quit, I don't because there is a little angel waiting to meet me, cheering me on as I battle my way through. After I see my bundle of joy and will have many trying days and nights.... But I won't give up. Each and every day is a battle, but someday will look back and think "I made it through once, I can do it again." Remember that strength. Remember those tears. Remember why I started this journey to begin with.

I pray I get my angel. I pray for success as I fight the fight of infertility. I'm not alone. Many people may be in different stages in the journey, but we are all united for one reason: our angels, that despite all the pain it brings sometimes, they remind us of how strong we really are. 

Tonight something special happened. Joey was flying a trip and I needed to get my injection at 7pm. I knew way before 7pm that I would not be able to give myself a shot so I asked a friend of mine up in OC if she knew anyone in the area. She let me know what her dad have given shots in the last and would be happy to help me out. I think it's so sweet that she asked him and he offered. I ended up not going to him since I got in contact with someone else who could help me that is a nurse and lives close to me but found out she was not going to make it home by 7pm. So what did I do from there??? I called the hospital to see if I could go in there and they could give it to me, they said only if I called 911 and was brought in by ambulance.... talk about dramatic. If you know me you know I dont take the first NO I hear so I went down to the local fire dept with my medication and needles in hand and asked if they would please help me out. First they said they couldn't but then the captain walked up and said he would be happy to help, he said that him and his wife went through IVF and knows how hard it can be. Something so little meant the world to me. All the other guys at the station looked at me like I was some kind of wimp but this guy who walked in my shoes with his wife understood that it was more than just a needle it was every doctor appt, and insurance denial, and disappointing news that made everything 1000 times harder. I understand there are rules and I bet if I went again it would not happen but that one 5 seconds of help meant the world to me and gave me hope. I talked to him for a few minutes and we discovered that he just had twin boys from through IVF from the same fertility doctor Joey and I are going to in Newport. I know it's not big but to me it's a sign that we are doing the right thing. Thanks random fireman :) 

www.gofundme.com/hopefulhearts

IUI with Injectables CD 6

Merry Christmas. Joey and I had  wonderful Christmas spent with family. I'm off work for the next two weeks which is so nice but more of a reason I'm happy I'm off is for all the doctor appts we going to right now. Joey and I are doing an IUI with injectables this month. We have done 3 IUI's in the past taking Clomid but never with injectables. Today is cycle day (CD) 6 and day 4 of my injectables (Follistim). I had my 2nd ultrasound this morning and I am currently measuring 7 follicles on my right with the largest measuring 14x7mm and 12 follicles on the left with the largest measuring 14x10mm and my uterine lining measuring 6.4..... For the next 2 days we are continuing with the 100iu of Follistim and we have another ultrasound in two days to check the size of follicles and baseline blood work to check my estrogen levels and progesterone. We are praying that the smaller follicles catchup with the injection we did tonight and another one tomorrow night. I will update once we have our next ultrasound in 2 days, Saturday. Please pray for us that this time works..... we are so excited that this month will FINALLY be the month and all the bruising will fade away and we can finally begin our life as a family of 3. Joey has been an amazing nurse giving me my injections each evening. This has been an emotionally and financially draining process but we will do whatever it takes to meet our little miracle. We will never give up or lose hope. God has a plan for us and we believe it's to raise one of His children. Please keep us in your prayers.... xoxo

All of the black holes are follicles on my left side (in this pic you can only see 6-7 but there are at least 12 on this side)

If you'd like to donate to our infertility fund we thank you:

www.gofundme.com/hopefulhearts

Price Match

Today I researched the internet all day and now am saving $400.00 on medications for next IUI with injectables cycle. MDR (the pharmacy that carries the fertility drugs) told me they price match.... if you know me you know I will research the heck out of the internet to find the best price and I did.... it took all day but I found a great deal, so excited! It's like couponing. And in the process I met a really nice lady who just got pregnant with twins with Dr. Anderson's help from doing an IUI with injectables with Follistim,  HCG trigger shot and progesterone capsules. She reassured my concern with the amount of money we are spending to see Dr. Anderson that we have made the best choice because he is the best infertility doctor in OC. 

Jealous!

People often think I get jealous or angry when I see pregnant people or babies. My response: Not one person has it all. Just because one part of their life came easily to them, that doesn't mean the rest did. I have God, an incredible husband/marriage, a beautiful home, wonderful family and friends and an amazing job. And a baby is in my future, I just have to keep praying.

Laparoscopy and Hysteroscopy Results

Laparoscopy and Hysteroscopy went well. Doctor found a little endometriosis and lasered it away. Going in next week for the post-op and will find out the next step in our journey. Thank you to everyone who was praying for me yesterday and reached out to Joey and I to see how it went. It means the world to us. A special thanks to my mom and best friend Nikki for coming down to Newport Surgery Center to support me and a HUGE Thanks my AMAZING husband for being by my side and taking care of me through everything. xoxo

This is my uterus (above), (didn't expect a uterus to look like that huh?) and that red on it is endometriosis. 

This is one of my fallopian tubes (above), they also looked inside it but those pics are not worth sharing (can't see much)

                                                                    Liver (Above)

http://www.gofundme.com/HopefulHearts

http://www.gofundme.com/HopefulHearts

Going under......Laparoscopy and Hysteroscopy

The move to OC is complete and we have been referred to a new specialist in Newport Beach. He has very high success rates with IVF and is extremely educated in infertility. Joey and I met with Dr. Anderson about two week ago and talked to him about everything we have gone through as he reviewed our file. In Dr. Anderson's opinion we have done too many IUI's and it's time to move on. The Clomid I was taking for 7 months off-in-on was way more than he would ever advise. Looking back it did begin to create other problems like the thinning of the uterus wall, one of the many downsides of Clomid. Joey and I listened carefully to what Dr. Anderson's recommendation was and if we were ready to go down that next more invasive path. Dr. Anderson is recommending either IVF or Laparoscopy. Laparoscopy enables your surgeon to fix anything that is found (i.e. ovarian torsion, adhesions, Endometriosis, fibroids, restore tubal patency, etc. etc. etc.) at the same time. Surgical intervention will almost certainly restore fertility by virtue of the (suspected) underlying cause(s) being treated. Skipping surgery and embarking on costly IVF protocols without fixing the problem(s) is probably not the best approach. The minimal risks of laparoscopic surgery are outweighed by the benefits it confers (with the obvious exception of the most dangerous risk, which is death - a risk of ALL surgeries and highly unlikely to occur!). Joey and I went home to talk about our options and what we wanted to do next, IVF is 20k through Dr. Anderson while the Laparoscopy is a little over 4k, if we did do IVF and there is an underlying reason like Endometriosis then it could very well be unsuccessful and a waste of money. On the flip side we could also go through the Laparoscopy and find nothing and would be back at square one at UNEXPLAINED infertility, the most annoying and frustrating diagnosis ever. 

After thinking about the path we are going to embark on we pray for an answer or a sign of what God wants us to do. We have been praying from day one and are still hopeful that one day, and hopefully one day soon, we will be blessed with a baby of our own. With that being said on November 1, 2013 at 2:45pm I will be going under and Dr. Anderson will be performing a Laparoscopy in hopes that he finds something to finally explain the unexplained. Please keep us in your prayers and I will keep you posted on the outcome. xoxo

Horror Stories.......

Baby showers! Oh where to begin. I have gotten so much better going to them, I would not say I look forward to them but it does not bother me as much anymore, that is until the end of one I attended a few weeks ago. 

Joey and arrived to the shower ready to enjoy ourselves, after hanging around for 4 hours we were getting ready to leave and I was saying goodbye to someone I have met a few times (It's the polite thing to do right?) As I'm saying goodbye, a random girl who I have never met is standing next to the person I am saying goodbye to looks over at me and asks, "So when are you due!?" To my surprise and confusion I gave a polite smile and kept the conversation going. She interrupted me again and said, "you must not have heard me, I said when are you due!" At this point I am so confused and lost, (I know what some of you are thinking.... sometimes innocent people mistake bigger girls for being pregnant..... NOT the case here considering I am 5'5" and weigh 115 pounds). I don't care how much bean dip I ate I know I did not look pregnant. So unless I was actually 5-6 months pregnant I knew at that point she heard about my infertility struggle {on top of not being able to handle her alcohol} and wanted to play a mean girls game. After I let it sink I just looked at her and said, "When the fertility drugs finally work" and walked away. I don't know what is wrong with people and way they have to be so cruel but there was no need for someone to make a joke out of my misfortune. 

For some sad reason this is not the first time someone has said something mean to me about my infertility. About a year ago I told someone who I knew pretty well about Joey's and my struggle to have a baby and went through the steps of infertility to help them better understand the process. When I got to the part where we have tried a few IUI's and our next step might have to be IVF the person looks over at me and says, "IVF babies look funny". My heart about stopped. I was speechless, but I thought if something so ignorant could come out of their mouth then I was not about to correct them, I just promised myself that I would never forget. I know we have all seen those websites that list: "Things NOT to say to someone struggling with infertility". But my two examples would have to be on a different list.... Like "Things to say to make someone feel HORRIBLE about their fertility struggle". All I can assume is that they only read the second list.